interesting & amazing...

So, I know, I know...double blogging in one day, what am I thinking.  I had to share thought...I did the most amazing thing this weekend. My blogs have been half-assed lately; in all actuality, everything I've been doing has been half-assed as of late. My marriage has been in shambles, my kids a basket-case because of it and the environment in my house has been so toxic that even my pets are acting out by peeing all over the house. We reached a breaking point where something had to give. Our marriage counselor recommended something called the Landmark Forum to us. I am the eternal skeptic...I don't give in to things easily but I jumped at it because I had no idea what else we could do. So, on Thursday evening we set out to my mother-in-law's house to drop our kids for a few days and head to the forum.  There was an icy cold silence on the way down there and we snapped at each other the entire time we were there until we got in the car to head to the Forum, not knowing what was awaiting us there. I was literally silently crying the entire way down down there and I had no idea why. Our marriage was so bad that I couldn't talk to my husband at all and I couldn't stop tearing and crying at the drop of a hat.  So, in we went...and the doors shut behind us and the 128 other members. I can't begin to describe the life-altering experience that went on in there. I won't begin to explain all the exercises and learning that we went through in the forum...and again, I'm a skeptic...I didn't buy it hook, line and sinker. I did the work they asked and went through the motions, doubting that anything could help. I went back to the hotel every night and cried myself to sleep feeling hopeless that, while things were falling into place in my personal life, things with my husband were never, ever going to come together. I felt amazing about my life....I put things right with my dad, made peace with my mother and finally said goodbye and felt powerful and effective about everything I am capable of, but, things just weren't right with my husband. We were avoiding talking to each other and every time we tried to have a small conversation we still weren't communicating. The forum ended...we came home knowing that we had to go back on Tuesday night and waiting to see what would happen with the new knowledge we had. We got home and got off to a rocky start...Monday started with a horrible bang; a bang in the form of me and my husband getting into a knock-down drag out fight...I finally got pissed enough to confront him about avoiding me...and then it happened...it REALLY happened....we started to talk...and HE started to talk from his heart, which he has NEVER done. I saw my husband in a new way. I can't even explain the new dynamic in our house! I didn't get my husband back...I got an entire new, wonderful man back and he got a whole new wife, in return. I'm peaceful...I'm not at war with everyone because of my past. My kids have picked up on it INSTANTLY and they're SO open and responsive to all of it.  So, after all of this, I decided to try it out in other areas of my life. I've thrown my shoulders back, my head up and decided to remember things I loved at an earlier time in my life. I used to act, I used to sing, I used to dance, I used to be athletic.  Taking baby-steps, I decided to remember singing and took a deep breath and let myself belt a song in my car with a new broad declaration to myself that I'm a singer...and wouldn't you know, my vocal cords, which have been tight and unwilling to let out a calculated note in years, did exactly what I was asking them to do. I sang...I sang on key, in tune and I had power in my voice! So, what to do first now...I feel like a kid in a candy store!!!! I feel like the world is at my finger-tips for the taking (I know, I know, I'm being quite dramatic), but it's TRUE! So, I'm going back to school. I need to take some prerequisites in order to apply to veterinary school, but dammit, I'm gonna do it. I'm not scared of it anymore! In the interim I started my own business to have some fun with and I'm getting that rolling as quickly as I can. And I'm going to start working out and playing tennis again (as soon as I find a partner).
That's really all for tonight...I just had to put that out into the world. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I had to share what an incredible, life-transforming, amazing thing The Landmark Forum was and how I cannot wait to get the rest of my life started!!!